The Negative Side of Conflict


The Negative Side of Conflict

From the UK to Israel; Syria to the USA

August 15, 2011 – This bears repeating again, Conflict is Inevitable; Combat is Not.  It doesn’t really matter where you are in this world, Belgium, South Africa, or right here U.S. you are going to encounter some type of conflict.  This entire week has been consumed by what is happening in Tottenham, London.  I was born and raised in the Sheffield, England so the turmoil my comrades are experiencing hits close to home.  More importantly it got me thinking about the way we chose to handle conflict.  And I wondered “…don’t we have enough examples of what NOT to do?  So let’s look at this situation to see if any of the steps needed to help resolve conflict were used.  [I guess now would have been a great time for you to refer back to my book – Deal With It! – if you had a copy.]

Step 1 – Check your emotions:  I’m sure that people where hurt, and yes, even angry with the shooting of this (innocent?) young man.  But they decided to hold a peaceful demonstration to show their disapproval of how the situation had been handled.

Step 2 – What is the Reason?: Initially, (I believe) it was to show support for a young man who had lost his life at the hands of the police, and also to show disapproval of how the entire situation was handled.

Step 3 – Can We Talk?: Now here is where things break down.  A small group of individuals decided ‘peaceful’ was not the way to go, they wanted to teach someone, anyone a lesson and so they started a riot.

All the other steps to resolving conflict at this point have been tossed aside.  No-one wants to listen.  Everyone wants to blame someone else and so they are not willing toown their own behavior.  And they have chosen to express themselves in a way that is hurtful and harmful.  They have chosen not to use the Power of “…ions” – discussion, suggestion, negotiation.  And they certainly have not remained calm in any sense of the world.

So we see first hand that the negative side of conflict can do – it hurts.  If you could not grasp that concept before now, take a look at various conflict situations around the world.  It is painful and in most cases deadly because at least one party is going to do and say whatever it takes to hurt (take out, end the life of) the other party.  The mindset is someone has to win and someone has to lose.  In the case of the riots in Tottenham, London, the people who are being hurt are the business owners and ‘around the corner shopkeepers.’  The riots are not sending the message that some believe they are sending.  Instead these riots are causing more people to lose their jobs and possibly lose everything that they have worked so hard to build.  Oh the negative side of conflict.

When we allow our emotions to take over, the negative side of conflict hurts and doesn’t resolve anything.  The negative side of conflict doesn’t care who gets hurt as long as someone gets hurt.  The negative side of conflict causes emotional stress which can cause physical sickness.  The negative side of conflict is always destructive.

How can I end this piece… well, just learning how to manage conflict in a healthy and transformative way is a step in the right direction, but it isn’t the first step.  Do you have anger management issues that need to be addressed?  Do you have trouble communicating effectively?  Is there some type of trauma lingering in your life that needs to be dealt with? The art of conflict resolution is more than just a few basic steps, however, these basic steps are the foundation that we all need and should certainly be taught in our schools and colleges, with quarterly workshops held in the workplace.  Resolving conflict isn’t about winning or losing.  Resolving conflict is about having an open-mind and a showing a willingness to comprise for the good of the situation.

Do you have questions?  Are you interested in a FREE Discovery Session? Please call me on 813-868-7697 10am to 4pm M-F or send me an email to set-up your appointment.

Until next time…

Resolve It Now!








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